


Buzzfeed Solved

by RemusWantsToBattle



Series: The Umbrella Academy Collection [4]
Category: Buzzfeed Unsolved (Web Series), The Umbrella Academy (TV)
Genre: Apocalypse Fix-it, Conspiracy Theories, Five is offended, Friendship, Gen, Good Brother Klaus Hargreeves, Klaus is excited, Reginald Hargreeves' A+ Parenting, Ryan is even more excited than Klaus omg, Shane is dumb founded, Time Travel
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-04-08
Updated: 2019-04-08
Packaged: 2020-01-06 13:53:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 930
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18389732
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RemusWantsToBattle/pseuds/RemusWantsToBattle
Summary: After watching Ryan and Shane's episode about him, Five finds offense to something Shane says and decides to set the record straight.





	Buzzfeed Solved

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [The Bizarre Disappearance of Number Five](https://archiveofourown.org/works/18356561) by [slytherincosette](https://archiveofourown.org/users/slytherincosette/pseuds/slytherincosette). 



> I JUST! HOPE IT WAS OKAY I WROTE THIS HFDUIGFIRU
> 
> Also pls read The Bizarre Disappearance Of Number Five first omg
> 
> [Paypal](https://www.paypal.me/mattywantstobattle) / [Ko-Fi](https://ko-fi.com/helldriiven) / [Commissions](https://do-you-promise.tumblr.com/post/186781946449/okay-so-let-me-be-the-bearer-of-shit-news-im)

“What the hell!” 

Five’s loud exclamation gets everyone in the room’s attention, but he doesn’t really acknowledge the eyes on him.

“You okay, buddy-?” Klaus asked, eyebrows furrowed as Five seethed at the screen.

“The one true answer to how I disappeared and Shane has the NERVE to cry BULLSHIT!” 

Diego exchanged glances with Klaus as Allison slowly settled down to sit next to Five.

“Um, what are you watching?” She asked, before Five shoved the laptop into her face, causing her to flinch backwards.

Allison blinked, before setting the laptop at an angle that everyone could see and pressing play.

_ “The kid can teleport and you’re drawing the line at time travel?” _

_ “Shit’s too tricky! He was a wee babe! There’s no way he figured out how to time travel. I don’t care how smart that kid was. No way.” _

Klaus was the first one to laugh, and only seemed to laugh harder when Five gave him a scowl that, if looks could kill, would have killed Klaus 10 times over.

Diego followed the laughing, covering his mouth to try and stop. 

Allison gave a little giggle, which Vanya copied, and finally Luther was unable to hold his own.

Ben was laughing too, but with Klaus not making him corporeal at the moment, Five couldn’t see it.

“Shut up!” Five growled, crossing his arms, before standing up.

“Wh-Where- SNRT- Where are you going?” Allison asked between giggles.

“I’m going to set the record straight and tell Shane and Ryan the truth!” Five said, hands going on his hips. He was still leveling a hard glare at everyone.

“You don’t have to do that you know,  _ you  _ know the truth. What does it matter that they do?” Vanya asked.

“Hey hey don’t stop him, he can be the world’s first Buzzfeed Solved!” Klaus said excitedly, and Five swiftly grabbed his laptop yet again.

“Are you going to surprise them? I’ll help you find where to go!” Klaus bounced up to Five, who nodded.

“I’m going to show up at their door and tell them exactly how smart I am and how I definitely figured out time travel.”

Klaus giggled a bit. “Yeah, figured it out amazingly.”

Five’s cheeks heated up at the slight sarcasm in Klaus’s voice, before spatial jumping to his room and shutting the door.

After finishing the video, and using the wonderful money they were left and connections he could muster, he had an address.

Los Angeles, of course.

Five, not wanting that stupid unaccompanied minor badge right on his chest before righting everything and figuring a way to evade that stupid  _ minor  _ label, took Klaus and Ben with him- Klaus seemed to be the one excited and wanting Five to do this, so why not.

Five let Klaus tell whatever story he wanted, not really caring.

Once they’d landed, Five was off- leaving Klaus with the luggage and the hotel room, ignoring his brother’s protests.

Five was outside of the Buzzfeed Unsolved office for what felt like forever, waiting for them.

They were filming that day, though, Five thought smugly, it wouldn’t be whatever they had planned.

“Uh, why’s there a kid he-” Shane had started, before Ryan clapped and pointed at Five.

“Shane! It’s Five Hargreeves!”

Shane opened and closed his mouth. “But he’s a kid still-? I thought it’s been 17 years-”

Five stood up and crossed his arms.

“Yeah, because I had a problem  _ time travelling  _ and now I can’t age at all.”

Ryan started laughing immediately, but it wasn’t at Five. He was laughing at Shane- the one theory he immediately called bullshit on was right.

“I did say that was a weird hill to die on!”

“How do- how do we even know you’re the real Five?” Shane asked, which prompted Five to simply spatial jump behind them, and then back in front of them.

Shane reached up to pinch the bridge of his nose.

“I- Did you want to make a video about it??” Ryan asked, not even trying to veil the excitement. 

Five nodded. “And maybe now I won’t have people on my ass about how I’m a minor and not allowed to do things.”

“How old are you?” Shane asked suddenly, blinking.

“My consciousness is 58- and yet my body is 13 again.”

Ryan looked like he was about to explode, saying “Oh my god-” over and over. His smile wouldn’t go away.

“That must suck.” Was Shane’s only response, eyes widened.

Five nodded. “It does. By the way, yeah, father was awful.” 

Ryan exhaled gently and nodded. “But he didn’t kill you!”

Five snorted. “No he didn’t- he even told me I wasn’t ready for time travel, and yet. Should have listened to him.”

“At least you got away from him, right?” Ryan asked.

“Yeah, well, I spent 40 years in the apocalypse so. But don’t worry, already went back in time and averted it. Was supposed to happen 7 days ago.”

Shane choked. “Well, April fools, the world is ending.”

Five couldn’t help a slight smile. “April Fools, the world is saved.”

Ryan gave an excited noise. “Okay! Let’s set up!”

He dashed inside, and Five adjusted his clothes. Alright, time to set the record straight.

Hopefully this would get to enough people and maybe Five could be labeled an adult now.

That would be great.

At least he could maybe be friends with Shane and Ryan, people outside of his family.

Who knew.

Now, however, it was time for Buzzfeed Solved.

Klaus was going to riot when he figured out Five did it alone, though.

**Author's Note:**

> Might make a chapter two with the Solved episode? Might not? Idk yet, tell me if I should- sorry it was short, I started it, got exhausted, wanted to post it cause if I left it for too long it would never get finished hfdiufrd


End file.
